I try to think about the ways
you would step on my shadow
So I could run away
of what was our game

I try not to think of how
You looked at me
So deeply confused
or with accusation

I try to think of the happiness
in your eyes
when I came home
to keep you company

I try not to think of the grey
that infested your skin
to settle the statement
of a lesser heartbeat

I try to think of the sun
that made you brown
both out of happiness
of the warmth around us

I try not think of the last words
you said to me
before you lost your mind
I try not to think of the emptiness
you left behind

I try to think of the way
you used to live
before you died

The light is dark
just like my mind
Only my sobs echo
in a place I can’t define

And when your footsteps vanish
the pain starts to increase
Because I know you were there
But you left no evidence

So I might stay here
a little longer
just in case you came back
because you actually love me
and want me back

I don’t want to feel the tears rising
as I hold my choking inside
To show you my vulnerable side
when you are watching

I don’t want to talk to make you feel better
To feel the energy drop by trying
to make only you happy
as I am losing all the time

I don’t want to feel happy
when I know it will end
and I feel the emptiness
of something I know
I never had